It was Monday, the final day before my kids started school, and I surprised myself at how sad I was that summer was officially drawing to a close. So, after dropping my kids off at school the next day, I drank a Pumpkin Spice Latte, resigning myself to the inevitability of fall, and now I sit back to reflect on the past few days…
Summer is my favorite season, and this was a really great summer. We slowed down, enjoyed every moment, rested, and had fun with family and friends. But as the season transitioned into the next, a realization slowly crept in that I would never again have a summer with my kids at this age ever again. That thought grieved me, and I carried it with me into the the next day when my kids had their first day back at school.
As we were driving to school, one of my sons informed me that I didn’t need to bother checking that he made it to the right bus after school, and that he would like to walk into the school on his own. And that’s when the next realization struck…just like that, my son was ready to manage going back to school on his own. I was a bit shocked and panicked, because I was ready to walk this road with him, but I swallowed the big lump in my throat, and quickly told him I loved him before he closed the car door and walked towards the school. A few tears were shed as I drove away with mixed feelings of being proud of my son, and horribly sad that he no longer needed me in the ways he used to.
It is inevitable that things change. People change. Our kids grow up. When they were young I couldn’t wait for my kids to grow up so that they could take care of some basic needs on their own, I now wish I could pause time, and just stay here for as long as possible. But my children will keep growing, and that process is good. It’s natural. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
The image of a river is coming to mind. What’s going on beneath the surface is constantly changing. And my role is to adjust and move or flow with it. Sometimes I just want to stop the flow of water, sometimes I want to rush it, or move in a different direction altogether. But I cannot control the movement of the river, just like I cannot control the seasons or my kids. My role is to love and support my kids, moving with them as they grow, allowing that process to change me, honoring my needs along the way.
Right now in honor of me, I need to allow myself to cry, and process whatever is behind the tears, For it is only then that I am I really able to release (in this instance my kids), trust that everything will be okay, and move into the next moment ready for whatever it may bring.
This leads me to wondering about you…What is changing in your world right now? How are you feeling about it? What might you need to release?